tildesk

She stood out like a sun spot blazing across the sky, eyes bright blue, energy radiating around her like a halo around the moon. A force to be reckoned with. Goddess among men. Something otherworldly, magnificent. And then, in just a split second, a little blink, she calmed the whipping storm around her and everything muted. The air still crackled around her, static electricity upon the sand. The bright blinding light receded into her skin and her figure shifted slightly into focus. She smiled then, the most brilliant smile and extended a white, soft hand. "Come my friend, we have much to do, but not here." I looked up from where I had fall

Emotions running rampant through my mind Anger, rage, sadness, shame, doubt slowly gives way to numb Can't tell which I am right now Hard to see the forest for the trees as they say Too much going on Too much pain, sadness, misery Trying to get to acceptance and letting go Trying to get through the muddled thoughts, the muddled emotions Trying not to hurt myself in the chaos Unsure what I'm seeing and feeling Bouncing back and forth from anger and sorrow, rage and discord to letting go and saying goodbye This will pass but will I be the same person then? Copr.  Katherine Tildes 2018

The sun is shining The sky is  blue grey I should feel relief Instead I feel sadness and An emptiness I cannot account for Sometimes I forget I have this Inside me This sadness that Some days is an inescapable and Looming darkness that no light  Can penetrate Depression is like a weed Like ivy or or bamboo It only goes away when You cut it out completely And that, for me, For any human, Would require something I cannot do And still exist So I look at the sun The sky The ground And I reach out to try To grasp the light to hold onto To make it one more day

I feel kind of like a piece of glass that is splintering About to break About to explode into hundreds of pieces Look closely you can see the little slivers and cracks The strain behind them is great Stress, anxiety, self-doubt, frustration, thoughts in a million directions I need to center reinforce the glass But this happens so fast sometimes No. Breathe. Take a few more breaths. Step out into the woods and just be -KAT 5/1/16

Snatches of time A few hours here and there Trying to fit an entire life into these small moments Sometimes it can be such a challenge Makes it seem that you're more than 15 to 20 minutes away I wish i could see your face every night Wake up next to your stubbly chin and bright eyes Fall asleep in your tight warm embrace (let's all just sleep together, wouldn't that be rich?) I cherish the small moments we get The few stolen hours that seem like minutes I never grateful for your love Our love My love -KAT 4/25/1

I'm too young to feel like this Too young to feel like shit Too young to feel exhausted and Achy Maybe this is why humans used to die at 35 But this is what reminds me I'm still alive And alive and enlightened and fighting is all I can ever be -KAT 4/28/16

Amanda Fucking Palmer's new song has inspired me to write this poem which is about the frenzy that is my mind and my desk which easily gives anyone a picture of what the inside of my mind might look like I am looking for a blank cd to make a discography cd for my car so I can listen to it as I drive my bearded dragon Fred to the vet for her first ever check up BUT I cannot find a god damn blank disc anywhere on this mess of my desk which is a mirror of my mind I just want to clear it all with my arm and sweep it to the floor but then the floor would be mess and the contents of my desk on the floor and I'd break the vase with the flower

Sometimes waking up is like drowning in the dark. Swimming and kicking, gasping for air, reaching for the light and then FINALLY breaking through. I wake up terrified, heart pounding, exhausted and out of breathe, but happy to be alive.

The tightness in my shoulders gets tighter the heavy ball of stress in my chest gets bigger the shrieking voice of uncertainty is getting louder So loud that she sounds like a banshee, screaming incoherently, raging uncontrollably She's giving me a headache